What makes a dysfunctional relationship

Their children react by picking partners like their own parents, and trying to gain the love from them they never got from their parent. Sometimes we see the pattern. Freud called this a repetition compulsion and saw it as a sign of dysfunction. Others have seen it as an effort to fight with our weaknesses until we overcome them. This is basically learning patterns of tolerating and accommodating substance abuse from your family, and carrying on these patterns of behavior after grown up.

The same can be said about the increasing divorce rate, increasing violence, and increasing materialism in our culture. Violence — Think of abusers who play mind games based on the weaknesses of the women they are involved in, control over things like money and housing, and issues such as a pattern of violence across generations.

The longer you stay involved, hold a microscope and mirror up to the family, serve as outsiders in their business etc…, the more anxiety it stirs and the more difficult it is to deal with that, so it becomes a problem of more dysfunction to deal with it. Offer support for skills building to open doors to new options for coping, as well as educate about new ways to do things for those who want to change.

Codependent relationships can also be toxic relationships, although the term "toxic" is usually used to mean the more abusive varieties. In short, all three of these terms refer to relationships that contain unhealthy interaction, and do not effectively enhance the lives of the people involved. People in these relationships are not taking responsibility for making their own lives or the relationship work.

The degree of dysfunction, codependency or toxicity in relationships can vary. Most of us get a little dependent, and therefore dysfunctional, from time to time -- especially when we're tired, stressed, or otherwise overloaded. What makes the difference between this normal, occasional human frailty and true clinical dysfunction is our ability to recognize, confront and correct dysfunction when it happens in our relationships.

The question to keep in mind is: what is not working, and how can we make it work? Most people, when faced with a relationship problem or disagreement, reflexively begin to look for a villain; that is, they want to know who's at fault. Dysfunction, as a rule, generally breeds more dysfunction. Once you've gotten into dysfunctional habits with someone, they can be nearly impossible to break. Especially when the relationship starts off dysfunctional as opposed to a functional relationship that later becomes problematic.

Anyone who has ever been in a dysfunctional relationship, no matter how long or how severe, will relate to the following 6 things people is a dysfunctional do. People in dysfunctional relationships lie. They lie to each other about all sorts of things, but mostly things that would cause controversy if told truthful. They lie to the people around them in order to convince them that the relationship is function and most importantly they lie to themselves in a bid to normalize a relationship that might be causing pain or hardship.

In a dysfunctional relationship, otherwise functional people might find themselves imploding on purpose. A dysfunctional relationship is generally made up on two people who are hell bent on self-destruction, so much so that even when things are starting to go well, they'll find some excuse to plunge the relationship straight back into chaos.

The smallest things in a dysfunctional relationship are cause for drama. The intonation of an "okay"; a throwaway glance across a room; a five-minute late meeting. People in functional relationships know to choose their battles.

Often, unresolved individual issues can also lead to dysfunction. After all, the journey to a strong, healthy, connection has a lot to do with how well you know yourself and how secure and mentally healthy you feel.

There is no relationship with someone else that can compensate for your own unhappiness, no matter how good it is. Expecting a partner to make you happy or fulfill you can lead to disappointment and dysfunctional patterns.

Although no relationship is perfect, it is the genuine and mutual desire to communicate respectfully and manage conflict that can help you to weather the most difficult storms.

Destructive communication involves an endless pattern of escalation. It is easy to see the intensification of negativity this would invoke. So, what couples need is an attitude of forgiveness, conflict management tools, and good communication skills. This is perhaps the hallmark of a healthy relationship. In this sense, the danger is NOT the conflict, but disconnection. If you do not regularly confront your issues, you can end up in a vicious circle of negativity, repeating the same argument over and over again.

It is when you have trouble reconnecting and resolving your issues, or end up avoiding your issues altogether, that you feed dysfunction. This may look like one spouse asking for more and the other pulling away, or where you have little influence and are ignored.

In healthy relationships, both partners vie for power during a conflict. But, when power and control are prioritized over love and respect there will likely be dysfunction.